25.04.2017 Why do I feel anxious?

25.04.2017

Why do I feel anxious?

Control … that’s it, I am surrounded by situations where I am helpless and cannot change the outcome. I fear the potential that something may go wrong, even when usually nothing has happened.

Such as the repeated and recurrence of my grandma and her illness, the illness of other family members and the cropping up of new illness / situations of others. Even my logical brain can understand that people get older, and they get ill … or if someone is ill the hospital or the doctor is the best place for them, but all I focus on is the what ifs and the potential problematic outcome.

Or the what if I do something wrong at work, I am aware of the workload I have to complete, my boss has even told me that the things I do at work are not “life or death”, we have even increased the number of hours I work so that I can manage my workload a little better, and complete the jobs at hand quicker / easier. But that does not affect the complete feeling of dread I get when I receive a phone call etc. I just get myself in the mindset that I have done something wrong and I am going to get told off. Then my brain goes into overdrive .. what if the thing I have done wrong gets me sacked … how will we cope for money .. etc etc. All this and the phone call may just be to say hi, or what did I want from the coffee shop.

I do understand how irrational this may seem, however to me it’s a constant feeling of worry and dread. From waking up in a morning, throughout the day, to trying to get to sleep at night. It is constant and some days are worse than others.

I am not good for turning my mind off, and when I start to get “the feeling” my stomach turns, I feel / be sick, get very tearful, sometimes just get inside my head and fully burst into tears and usually start to breath funny.

I recently had a situation where I was on holiday with my partner, and had stuff on my mind regards family and illness, and some worry about work. I couldn’t even switch off walking up a mountain in the lake district. However .. I sadly on this occasion could not physically manage to reach the summit, and I totally got in my head that I was a failure, and what is the point anyway, and burst into tears, not a good thing when trying to walk down the side of a mountain and watch your footing. But everything just swimming around gets on top of me and one last thing can tip me over the edge.

Today has not been the best day, home alone whilst my partner is at work and I have the power of google at my hands (well until the internet went offline). I can read and read and research ideas of what to do for anxiety and look to practice mindfulness. But I feel like I have been there, and already done that and I am not getting further forwards. I have done the usual trick, analysed my meals and food (I naturally eat very healthily so nothing really needs to change) but I try and analyse it and “take back control” of my body. I tried talking to others today (I am not a talker) but I just feel like I am burdening them with my issues, and that I should be able to find a way to “fix myself”.

I don’t know what to do, I feel like I will never feel “better” and this dark cloud is going to be hovering over me. I want to feel like myself again. Right now I don’t know what to do or how to approach feeling better.

I just want to wake up and be able to take each day as it comes, and if there are a few bumps in the road along the way just deal with them like a “normal person”.

What am I scared of:

·        Family dying

·         Loosing my job

·         Stressing tom out with always being sad and anxious and then as a result loosing him

·         Being lonely and isolated

·         Making myself physically sick and “worse”

·         becoming a burden to others and causing more stress

New Year = New Fitness goals - Juicing, Plant food eating, & more.

Hi Happy New Year -- can you believe it is 2017!

I know this time of year everyone is doing their new years resolutions, generally jumping on the healthy eating & more exercise band wagon. 

As per most people I have enjoyed my xmas time off and this has resulted in eating of cheese and chocolates. (which is usually limit or don't buy at all). Therefore it is time now to get back to me "normal" diet and routine. However this time I am tweaking a little.

I always eat well in regards salads and "proper" dinners. As due to my allergy it is always better for me to cook and prepare myself in house. 

This time I am going to follow the Plant Food Eating plan, Which is basically, nothing animal produced (vegan in essence). But the plan is for health reasons and not ethics, it also explains in the first few weeks to ease yourself into it, and that slip ups will happen.

At the moment my partner is still at home, so we will be following this together, which is always better to motivate each other and stick to it. 

I sat down yesterday at the kitchen table with my books and wrote up a meal plan and shopping list, I dont know why but I find this so therapeutic, as well as the planning and preparing of the lunches and juices for breakfast the evening before, making my mornings so much easier.

Today we bought the food, I expected the first week to be more expensive, but this was due to buying the dried pulses and spices that I didn't have, but now I have them it will just be a veg shop as such weekly. Today I spent £30 on the "normal" shopping, and £15 on the dried and long lasting foods. This is really good for me, as I usually spend at least £50 a week, even with my meal planning and usual choices. 

Linking with the intake of fruit and vegetables, I shall be juicing for my breakfast and I am currently undertaking the mammoth research of which new juicer / blender to purchase, as my old one is on its way out. 

I am not doing this for weight loss as such, however I did this morning weigh myself and take measurements, more to see how this compares. 

I am going to also actively do more exercise, I would like to do at least 30 mins 3 times a week.

I would love your thoughts and comments, on what I can try, or even which blender is best.

Speak Soon

Nic 

Allergy and Free From show - Liverpool

Hi everyone I have just had it confirmed I shall be attending the Allergy and Free From Show again this year.

http://www.allergyshow.co.uk/liverpool

I cannot wait to see some new brands and discover some new products, and to work with and meet some of my favorite brands again.

This is the time if anyone would like to arrange a meet up or any promotional work as I am already planning my diary and event commitments,

Hope too see some of you soon

Nicola

Illness, Fatigue, Dizzyness & more

Really sorry I have been quieter than usual, over the last few weeks I have really not felt on top form.
I went to the doctors to find out I had low blood pressure, Anaemia and it was causing vertigo symptoms.


The treatment was some tablets, rest, lots of water and fruit and veg.
I was doing fine with the tablets, food and water, however the resting is a big issue for me. I cant just sit around and do nothing. Therefore for a few days I tried to go to work as usual (bad move) or even just have a 15 minute clean and tidy around in the house, which resulted in me then having hours laid home alone dizzy on the sofa.


Therefore today after 5 days off work I shall be back to work in the pub this evening for a 4 hour shift to get me back into the swing of things again.


Sadly tomorrow Tom is off to Mexico with work for about a month, therefore my buddy when I go dizzy that makes me sit down with a cuppa and a biscuit will not be here. However on the other hand I guess the house will be much easier to keep clean and on top of, so if I do need to rest I may get more chance.


Touch wood I have been able to drop down the prescription tablets a little (the doctor said to take between 1 & 3 a day depending on symptoms) so hopefully I am going in the right direction :-)


Its not great when you know you are not 100% isn't it.


Nicola

Recent Photography work - Fashion shoot & Wedding Dress shoot

Hey,
Just writing this as my second shoot is exporting, I thought I would just share a little of what I have been up to.
This week has been amazing, I have had 3 photoshoots in 1 week (never before have I had this)
A football shoot on sunday, A wedding dress shop Tuesday, and a local fashion boutique Thursday.


As you all know my preferred photographic medium is weddings, however I have been looking to branch out a little more and I have really enjoyed the new challenge and specification for the aims.


I am really happy with the fashion shoots, the models were stunning and the colours look so bright. (so much so I want to buy 3 of the outfits)

The wedding dress shoot was a little different for me, as I found it hard to remember to show off the dress & not the bride. However the results are good, and they are already selling the product from the back of the images.

The football shoot, well this was the day my facebook page went crazy with likes, this was the first time the girls had a photographer attend one of their games, so for some these were the first images they had of themselves. I am glad they like them, and there are pleanty more to come.

I cant wait to find out what I shall be covering next.
Nicola

Babyliss Big Hair 42MM & Thermo heated roller review

I have recently gone into a bit of a mode to look after myself and my skin and hair a little more,
I was toying with idea of extensions, however I have decided instead to do what I can to look after my hair and treat it well, while it grows.


I am going to wash with good shampoos, and treat weekly (or twice a week) with a rich nourishing hair mask. I am looking to start taking a supplement such as biotin too.


I am aware that adding more heat to hair is not a good idea and both of the products I am reviewing are heated products, however I am very lucky that my hair holds the style for days. So if I do my hair Monday it will hold until I need to wash on Wednesday night / Thursday morning.


Babyliss Big Hair 42mm,
I love the smoothed bouncy effect when I go to the hair dressers and they finish my hair with a "bouncy blowdry". I wanted to find a way to make my hair replicate this at home. I have naturally frizzy curly hair and didn't know how / if I could get the smooth effect myself without straighteners.


I have never been able to manage the blow dryer in one hand and brush in the other system at home, therefore seeing the big hair was very interesting.
If you are not aware the big hair basically takes the two tools and turns them into one. The hot air comes out, and the brush end spins and finishes your hair.


I went for the middle size brush for my long bob / shoulder length hair. I used this one evening when I had time to play, and from shower to finished was 10 minutes! I was shocked at how easy it was even on first play. I did need to get used to pressing the buttons in the right direction for the side of my head, (curl under or curl over)


I am very happy with the full effect this gives, with the smooth finish. (please ignore the lack of makeup - it was about 9pm)

Thermo heated rollers,
I wanted a day with tighter curls and a little more vintage look so out came the rollers, I put the rollers on to hear while I had my shower (they take about 10 minutes to heat up) and then after the shower blasted my hair with the dryer (making it a big frizzy mess). Brushed through and started with the rollers. I used the biggest sizes and started on the top on my fringe / parting sections, easly securing with the comb clips. They felt secure and not tight (like pervious roller experience) I then sat down and did some work for about half a hour while the rollers cooled.
Simply hold the end of the roller and unclip the comb - once all out the hair was a tighter curl, so I simply swooshed the hair a bit (think because I'm worth it lol). I was very happy, leaving a different look.
I know that there were 3 sizes and the size of roller used and length of time you leave in can give different effects.

What do you think? Or what can you suggest of looks to try.


Nicola

A weekend off for a wedding photographer. - by going to a wedding

This weekend I shall be having a weekend off from my "day job". By attending a wedding, but this time as a guest.
Therefore what does this mean? 

• Hair & and nails are being done
• Makeup is being done
• The outfit has been planned to perfection
• Overnight bag is packed
• And the most scary one ...... not a camera in sight

I don't know if it is strange that I am half dreading not having a camera with me, however firstly and most personally, I have been asked to be a guest therefore I should enjoy the day and "live" the moments.
Also for vanity, I cannot fit one in my handbag. I will struggle to get my phone and lipstick in there, never mind my DSLR and varying lenses.


I am just awaiting the temptation of someone leaving a camera laying around, or potentially being directly handed one by another guest to take a picture.


I did get the opportunity as my gift to take the engagement shots for the couple, however tomorrow everything will be left to another photographer.

Nicola