2020! Wow what a year so far!

 Hi everyone, 

Well today I have decided to do an update on all things of the CRAZYNESS of 2020.

not too sure why but here goes.

This year as for many has truly been a rollercoaster, 

With being Furloughed, then my contract terminating, to having a second Hernia surgery in July and only just getting back to full strength when everything closes down again. My partner being a way for the majority of the year due to being an essential worker in other country's. And recently loosing my Gran to Dementia.

As for many this roller-coaster has taken its toll on me, both mentally and physically.

I as always have been trying to eat well and healthily with my food, but due to the surgery and gym closures I struggled with the exercise to maintain my weight, only now nearly 6 months on am i back to "pre op fitness". Which is something I struggle with. As i like to "zone out" and get on with a long dog walk or even a run with my tunes on. 

As well as the lack of focus and structure to my days its just all been merging into one.

Recently from my counselling sessions I have found a little more clarity, in the form of a tick list, meaning I am making time to have the bubble bath at 1pm just because I can, but also get out and walk the dog and have the exercise I need.

This week my main goal has been Christmas, I have gotten quite organised, some presents are here and wrapped, and others are in a wish list awaiting payday. I find that getting organised and planning really does help.

Im just waiting now to see what Boris says about reopening on 2nd Dec, and what Christmas is going to look like this year for myself and my family .

Hope your keeping well, and fingers crossed I get the urge to post again soon.

Nicola  x

Quick Easy Makeup - Using Tropic Skincare

Life updates, Why have I been so quiet? Whats Been going on?

Hi all,

Well, I'm back after a very long time away, There has been a lot going on here in the last 6 months and I simply feel like I haven't had time to sit and write.

I have a new job
I have had Hernia Surgery
I have got hair extensions
I have a new car

I now work for the national trust in the catering team at Clumber Park. I LOVE it! I feel like I finally belong, and have found a job I love to go to and get up in a morning and look forward to it. Yes, I have taken a pay drop and had to rearrange and reassess my spending. But its well worth it for actually feeling and being truly happy. My family have all commented on how I seem genuinely settled and happy.

I around easter found a lump in my stomach that was very painful, which ended up being a "paraumbilical hernia". I was signed off work and was operated on within 3 weeks. It was a painful recovery, and now 4 months on I am still not 100% strong in my core and stomach, but it has made me concentrate on eating well, and gentler forms of exercise and the process of building back up.

My hair never grows, and if you have been here for a while I have documented this. I have tried biotin and millions of different products. So finally I have taken the plunge and got tape in extensions, (I am now on my second install). They have lasted me about 8 weeks before needing to come out and be retaped and reinstalled. I have been truly amazed at how much my hair is growing while I have them in. I think its a mixture of the extra heat on my head and the sulphate etc free shampoo I am using to maintain them. I know it is growing as I am needing my roots doing every 8 weeks, and I can usually manage 12 weeks. I think they will be installed 2 more times and then my hair should have grown to my desired length.

I had a big life change last year when my sister died, and one thing I have learnt is that life is true too short and if you want something go out and do it. Well, I have always wanted a convertible "Sunday car". And I worked hard and saved hard and thankfully I went and bought it just before the summer weather started. I have been very thankful and happy to be driving around with the top down and tunes on over the last few weeks. Whenever I have felt low this has been a sure way to very quickly pick me up.

Lucy update - 6 months

Wow!
We have now had the pleasure of owning Lucy for over 4 months now, she is 6 months old,

I cannot truly remember my life without her,

We have now experienced:

• loosing teeth
• changing from puppy to adult food
• training to sit and stay
• sleeping in her room all night without accidents
• letting us know if we are out at other peoples houses that she needs to go out to toilet
• when she can or cannot come on the sofa

We need to improve:

• not pulling on the lead
• not jumping at people when coming in the door
• not crying when we leave the house (as from standing outside we know its been for like 30 seconds for attention)

I remember all the struggles and sleepless nights but I wouldn't have it any other way. 

From the day we were walking home and Lucy slipped off her lead, leading to her running back up a main road towards our house (luckily it was early morning with very few cars on the road) but it didn't stop me running like crazy and crying my eyes out.

To the time she decided to eat her flashing walking light (the size of a golfball) and waiting and checking on her sleeping for it to pass.

And all the little cute things, like sitting guard by our back door waiting for her nanny (the live next door) to come home from work, and wagging her little windscreen wiper.

To her being there when im poorly and giving me a cuddle when i need it, or licking a tear off my face when I cry.

I would not change her for the world, she is out little "cracker jack". Crazy, cute and sweet.

At home hair colour transformation

Hi all
Recently I had been going to a hairdressers for my hair to be cut and coloured after it was getting lifeless and boring looking by my at home colouring.
However I felt that every time I went it was getting darker and darker (not exactly what I asked for)
I researched how to get my hair lightened (i dont like highlights) and the best option was a colour stripping product, then a toner / colour to get back to the desired colour.

I enquired on prices for this and I was looking at around £100 (wow!)
So I started my research, of if I could do it at home.

I prepared myself and purchased online from superdrug: https://www.superdrug.com/Colourless/Colourless-Hair-colour-remover-Max-Effect/p/705718
Its was in the sale reduced to £6.99 from £9.99

I also bought 2 nice and easy no ammonia 24 wash colours ready to get my hair to the new colour (if the stripper colour wasn't right) https://www.superdrug.com/Save-%C2%A31-on-selected-Nice-N-Easy/Nice%27n-Easy-No-Ammonia-Hair-Dye-Dark-Ash-Blonde-90/p/576756


I knew my hair had been dyed to a dark nearly black brown, and I am naturally a light mousy brown, but my hair has had many shades of blonde and browns in between. From my research I knew it was quite likely that I would go a reddy / orange shade, and to get an ash toner product to calm this down.

So today was the day ... I got up and quickly washed my hair and blow dried it (as the instructions wanted clean dry hair)
On goes the stripper, just like any normal colour, maybe a little runnier, the smell wasn't as bad as i expected however you do want to open all windows etc.
Once finished and combed through I put the cling film on and waited (and used this opportunity to catch up on a kardashinas)

When it is working you dont see any changes. Then i jumped into the shower, washing the stipper out I didn't notice any colour coming out in the water either. I carried on and used the "shampoo" pot and again no colour noticed. This was the first time I caught a glance of the end of my hair and realised it looks a bit red.

Out the shower and a comb through and quick blow dry, this then showed my hair was between a rose gold / copper / orange. It was deffo lighter than before, and about my natural lightness, however very much a warmer colour than I am. My hair felt a bit drier than usual, however I had not used any conditioner at all, so I am no surprised.

However the reason I went for this brand over others was you can use this as a stripper directly before other colours. Other brands say to wait at least a week, (however there is no way I was staying this colour for that long).

So after having lunch I set to adding my toner, usual mixing and put it on, wait 15 mins and rinse out. I also after this step left the inbox conditioner on for about 10 mins.
Out of the shower and voila! glossy silky light brown hair.

The pictures dont overly show it (blummin weather) but it is chocolatey brown, no doubt that im anywhere near black, I am aware as i wash my hair this will lighten a bit (and thats my desired effect). I had chosen a colour dark ash blonde, however this is for sure a light to mid brown.

I would not hesitate to use this again, however I am planning on not getting my hair too dark again. But its good to know there is a useful product in case of a mishap again.

Introducing Lucy - The CockerJack Puppy

As you may be aware I have just picked up my puppy, she is now 8.5 weeks old and is starting to show her own true little personality.

As I am writing this, today is my first day home alone with her, and so far so good she is sitting in her basket by my feet.

Our experience so far:

Day 1:

Lucy was so good in the car, we had about 45 mins travel time from her breeder to home, but she sat in the travel crate with no crying and fell asleep. Once we got home she had a good sniff around and we took her and introduced her to the house, her bed & toys.

A little later that afternoon we took lucy out for a play on the grass, where she just wanted to be close to us and cuddle, but we managed out first family selfie.

That night lucy went to bed and cried and cried, we ended up getting up with her ever 2 hours and knew we needed to do something. We had planned to crate train lucy however amazon prime did no deliver the crate on time.

Day 2:

Sadly this day we had 2 accidents in the house, however this was mummy and daddys fault. As lucy had come over to us and we thought she wanted to play, however she was cleverly letting us know she wanted to go out. After this we decided to start logging when she had been to the toilet / played/ food etc. this had helped us to ensure we take her to try every hour.

We introduced her to her collar and lead for the first time for 15 mins, and later this evening we went to the neighbours for a BBQ, lucy sat / slept  very happily beside her travel crate, on a long lead.

we borrowed a travel crate for this night to see how she settles, and cleverly lucy managed to last until 3.30 to let us know she needed the toilet, and managed until 6.30

Day 3:

Lucy went for her first visit to the vets, who did a health check and was happy wit lucy who is now 2.3kg, she had he first jab and insertion of her microchip. Lucy was yet again as chilled as ever and took it in her stride.

For the first hours when lucy got back home she was hyperactive and very boisterous and we couldn't tire her out, then at 6pm and if a light switch had gone off she was out for the count, we had to wake her up to go to the toilet before bed, and move her to the now delivered crate.

Lucy slept through from 10.30 to 5.30 (I think she would have lasted longer but this was what time Tom needed to get up for work today)

Routine:

Food - feeding 4 times a day - Pedigree wet and dry puppy food (half a packet and a few dry parts each meal) - training treats, lucy is best on the softer treats at the min, and likes bits of  hot dog sausages.

Toilet - Letting her out to try every hour, - we now know where she like to be taken for number 1 and different place for number 2

Training -

• Lucy now wears her collar full time, and is happy to go out on a short lead to the toilet (we do this due to the nature of our garden, and 2 other dogs close by in the same open garden estate)
• Fetch it and drop it - are becoming very responded too, lucy loves her plush toys, but is starting to like a lightweight ball outside.
• Name - lucy will listen and come to you when you shout her name, and always looks when she hears it
• Sit - Today I have had my first 5 minutes of sit training and so far so good,

I am looking forwards to being able to take her out for walks, and introduce her safely to the other 2 dogs.

Instagram link: https://www.instagram.com/lucy_cockerjack

25.04.2017 Why do I feel anxious?

25.04.2017

Why do I feel anxious?

Control … that’s it, I am surrounded by situations where I am helpless and cannot change the outcome. I fear the potential that something may go wrong, even when usually nothing has happened.

Such as the repeated and recurrence of my grandma and her illness, the illness of other family members and the cropping up of new illness / situations of others. Even my logical brain can understand that people get older, and they get ill … or if someone is ill the hospital or the doctor is the best place for them, but all I focus on is the what ifs and the potential problematic outcome.

Or the what if I do something wrong at work, I am aware of the workload I have to complete, my boss has even told me that the things I do at work are not “life or death”, we have even increased the number of hours I work so that I can manage my workload a little better, and complete the jobs at hand quicker / easier. But that does not affect the complete feeling of dread I get when I receive a phone call etc. I just get myself in the mindset that I have done something wrong and I am going to get told off. Then my brain goes into overdrive .. what if the thing I have done wrong gets me sacked … how will we cope for money .. etc etc. All this and the phone call may just be to say hi, or what did I want from the coffee shop.

I do understand how irrational this may seem, however to me it’s a constant feeling of worry and dread. From waking up in a morning, throughout the day, to trying to get to sleep at night. It is constant and some days are worse than others.

I am not good for turning my mind off, and when I start to get “the feeling” my stomach turns, I feel / be sick, get very tearful, sometimes just get inside my head and fully burst into tears and usually start to breath funny.

I recently had a situation where I was on holiday with my partner, and had stuff on my mind regards family and illness, and some worry about work. I couldn’t even switch off walking up a mountain in the lake district. However .. I sadly on this occasion could not physically manage to reach the summit, and I totally got in my head that I was a failure, and what is the point anyway, and burst into tears, not a good thing when trying to walk down the side of a mountain and watch your footing. But everything just swimming around gets on top of me and one last thing can tip me over the edge.

Today has not been the best day, home alone whilst my partner is at work and I have the power of google at my hands (well until the internet went offline). I can read and read and research ideas of what to do for anxiety and look to practice mindfulness. But I feel like I have been there, and already done that and I am not getting further forwards. I have done the usual trick, analysed my meals and food (I naturally eat very healthily so nothing really needs to change) but I try and analyse it and “take back control” of my body. I tried talking to others today (I am not a talker) but I just feel like I am burdening them with my issues, and that I should be able to find a way to “fix myself”.

I don’t know what to do, I feel like I will never feel “better” and this dark cloud is going to be hovering over me. I want to feel like myself again. Right now I don’t know what to do or how to approach feeling better.

I just want to wake up and be able to take each day as it comes, and if there are a few bumps in the road along the way just deal with them like a “normal person”.

What am I scared of:

·        Family dying

·         Loosing my job

·         Stressing tom out with always being sad and anxious and then as a result loosing him

·         Being lonely and isolated

·         Making myself physically sick and “worse”

·         becoming a burden to others and causing more stress